Hopelist

i hope...everyday...every night...and all the time in between...i hope to succeed...i hope to prosper...i hope to live...i hope for happiness...i hope for a car...i hope for someone...i hope for change...i hope for tomorrow...i hope for now...i hope for excellence...i hope for blue skies...i hope for good weather...i hope for good company...i hope for good times...i hope to collide...i hope to get my work done...i hope to sing in the rain...i hope to dance in the sun...i hope to run on green fields...i hope to be carefree...i hope to be ruthless...i hope to be kind...i hope i can make it....i hope for greatness...i hope for maybe....i hope for neveragain...i hope for me...i hope i dont anger too many people....if i do, i hope i dont care....i hope to dare...i hope for courage...i hope for a thick skin...i hope for a good life...i hope for hope...

ups and downs II

hit enter by mistake...continuing where i wanted to start...the title is selfexplanatory....we all have our share...shit happens...good shit...bad shit...its all good....carpe diem....sometimes its difficult...u dont want to sieze it...u just want it to brush it off....water of a duck's back...what you think was water turns out to be wax...doesnt slip off so easy...just trickles down and dries up...u gotta scrape it off...painful sometimes....always....u never learn... a burning candle is a beautiful thing.... the hot wax dripping off it onto your fingers hurt...and u never learn to hold the candle in a way so the wax doesnt drip on to ur fingers...burning you....do u want to get burnt...again and again.... maybe it feels good....a momentary lapse of reason....sublime..yet painful...happens all the time...but u go on to light another candle...to light up a another dark room...and you drop wax on your fingers again...dammit....why why why.... why dont you learn...just stumble around in the dark for sometime until you find a window to let the sun in...patience is a virtue...however no problem is that bad...there is always microecon and beer....and sleep...get some sleep...tomorrow is a better day...well...if not better....its a new day...its a fresh start...sieze tomorrow...sieze the future...it holds endless possibilities...who knows...you can only wait...and watch...from the corner of your eye...dont get caught unawares...but it surely sneaks up on you... but what would your life be without a few surprises...its all good...you gotta roll roll roll....

ups and downs

Potatoes and chicken

I was feeling uncharacteristically disenchanted yesterday...the whole day...it was a nice day...what with the sun coming out...a light breeze...however i was gloomy...grumpy...discouraged... wanted to do something different...from the usual shit...didnt want to hang out with the usual people i always do...no offense...so i turned to someone else...someone i did not usually hang out with...over potatoes and chicken...and some beer...good conversations...about life...and the mistakes we all make...it was a cathartic conversation...god i love the word...catharsis...get everything out....it feels good...everyone should do it once in a while...when the frustration builds up inside you...let it all go...either by punching bag...or by talking to someone...the latter worked for me last night... today i feel good...well not good...but better...i have positive energy...im ready again...today is a better day...the sun is out again...bright sunshine...a light breeze...saw a group of turkeys just outsude the woods...even they seemed beautiful...i am smiling again...inside and outside...people told me so...good for me,as the crazy korean says...who would have thought... a simple root and a bird which cant fly would have such a nice effect...wonderful creations of god....who would have thought....

Sunshine

the leaves have changed colour....red...bown...yellow...some trees are bare...skeletal remains...of the year gone by...another year...the heavens are lamenting...gloomy...raindrops...cold...tomorrow will be a better day...sunshine...i remain hopeful...maybe tomorrow...

Memories of the days gone by

seams...

life happens.... in a moment...in years....in a blink of an eye...we live through so many lifetimes...one after another...it just fits together...falls into place...in wierd ways.... fit in...or gets ripped apart...like an old pair of jeans... comfortable...yet dispensible... by compulsion..not by choice.... shit happens all the time.... somehow works out in the end...the end...of everything that's passed..... the end....no i am not being fatalistic...just...being... dont ask questions....or harbor doubts and misgivings....let it be.... you gotta roll roll roll.... change is a neccesary poison...a purgative.... painful...yet a stark neccesity.... change from up to down...wing to wing...right to left.... friendship to loneliness.... something stupid to something meaningful.... all that you cant leave behind...but you have to....cant always get what you want.... but how do i know this is what i want...for now its good...but what happens in the everafter....blllleeeeaarggghh... another catharsis.... u know it guys...this is a familiar tone... a monotonous tone...boring yet comfortingly familiar....hope so...just to let you know that im here...right now...always.... im still alive...

I am the eggman...

i am tired....i am bored...i am good...i am dazed....i am driven... i am busy... i am pissed off... i am lonely...i am not...i am here.... i am there...i am everywhere... i am heartless...i am emotional...i am stupid...i am looking for meaning.... i am sam...i am not... i am stoic... i am me... i am hungover... i am hungry... i am planning... i am he...as you are he...as you are me...and we are all together... i am the guy on the cycle...on a green meadow...crashing thru the fence...chased by a bull.... it wont be long till happiness steps up to greet me.... cest la vie.... i am confetti floating down... i am trumpets blaring.... i am applause... i am dreaming... i am NOT a dreamer...i am ok...i am average...i am awesome.... i am a narcissist.... i am alive... i am magic surd.... i am the flying sikh... i am kunaldo... i am.... i am thinking .... i am running.... metaphorically... i am boo-fucking-hoo... coo-coo ca choo.... i am me.... u know my name....

there...and back again...

hello world.... another return to cyberspace....supposed to get down to some serious studies right now.... way past midnight....but just wanted to blog....wrote letters to two wonderful friends...felt nice...i might say it was a selfish exercise...wanted to get something out of my system...miss those fools...miss home sometimes...but here is nice...now is good...i am living my dreams...finally...but everything has a cost...no arbitrage...LOOP...law of one price...i am a finance geek now....bloody wannabe....and now i am talking to myself...i am not drunk...this is great fun...random play....rambling.....like a rolling stone....like the DIA....dig it....dig it.... some of you will actually go through this post expecting something conclusive....look no further...actually,dont look at all....these are the post midnight monologues..... more to follow.... its a pressure relief valve....the sound of the keyboard is very nice....soothing....it really is,isnt it....or maybe noone will read this wonderful piece of crap....but its all good....art for art's sake...fart for fart's sake...not original....plagiarism is a serious offence in the land of the free and the home of the brave.... such a fucking narcissist, consumerist society....its a fucking empty shell...i look at these people in their big cars and big houses and nice clothes....and i laugh.... i actually pity them...they are always out to prove something...relax people...smell the rosebushes...or the cowdung...but atleast wait a while and smell something.... feel something...
work,work and more work.... but then again,money is good.....its always good.... so here i am .... trying to be a part of something that i laugh at.... i pity them...but soon i will be them...so do i pity myself???.....no way.....i just wanna be very rich....

old habits die hard

leaving in less than a week... to a new life...will make new friends...lose a few old ones...the ones which really dont matter in the long run...or whenever...the last few days have been ....have been... familiar??...i guess so....getting back to doing some stuff i used to abt a year back...like blogging...football...sitting at home...starin at the ceiling...strange...like im clinging on to my past...the egg will say that is never a good thing...forward,my friend,forward....i want to move on... i have wanted this for a long time...been through it in my head innumerable times...but its hard now...seems unreal... everything is going to change very quickly...is pissing off....exciting...unnerving....coz im not good with people..new people... scary... new habits...timetable....no bedtea...i like bedtea...no chaat adda...no cricket...no hazy discussions about football and life... i like my life...everything about it... gotta change my tastes....thats about it,i guess... then again....what if this is as good as it gets....what then?????????????????

Tuliburi

i love my niece....anisha....tuli...she is a bundle of joy....kaakoooo,she calls me....thats when i pick her up and hug her....tight...warm...not letting her go....i look forward to seeing her everyday...she loves wearing shoes...adult sizes.... she also wore my football boots yesterday...she loves being tossed up into the air...loves it when u blow gently into her ear with a cooing sound....hates going home...hates having her hair tied into ponytails...loves dancing....jumping around...laughing loudly....batasha....rum and coke... loves her "kaakoooo"....say a prayer for her....